|Main enemy:||Mark, David|
|Premiere broadcast:||13 November 1999|
|Format:||1x4 minute comedy sketch|
|The Web of Caves||none|
David enters what appears to be his shared bedroom with Mark, whom he promptly wakes, escorting someone who is bound, and has their head covered. He tells Mark he has something for him, and he enthusiastically tries to guess what it is. David gives Mark enough clues for him to work out that it is Peter Davison, but tells him not to "shout his name like he's a thing." After declaring he had always had the idea to "hang outside his flat" and "bundle him into the boot of a car", David removes the hood, revealing a scared and bewildered Peter Davison with his mouth taped shut.
Mark starts to cry, commenting he has not felt this moved since Adric died in Earthshock, prompting David to apologise to Davison for his roomate's behaviour, telling him that Mark is a bit of a fan. Mark then tries to ask Davison questions, to which David again tells him off, as "everybody asks about Doctor Who," and that he should instead ask about his theatre work. When asking if Davison could sign some of his Target novelisations, Mark is yet again chided by David who states that this would be an imposition, and that "Peter is a friend", and a "guest in this house". Throughout all of this, Davison looks on in horror, and is startled when David slaps his leg in apparent frustration.
Eventually they settle on a compromise, and David takes several photographs of Mark and Davison instead. After they have taken "enough" photos, Mark asks if he can kiss Davison, which David agrees to. As a look of utter terror dawns on Davison's face, Mark turns out the light, and removes Davison's gag.
- References to Doctor Who include:
- A poster for Dr. Who and the Daleks is seen in the background.
- Mark screams "Omega" when being woken by David.
- Mark asks David if his surprise is the missing episodes of the serial The Ice Warriors.
- Mark states that he hasn't cried "this much since Adric died."
- Mark attempts to ask Peter a question about TV: Mawdryn Undead involving the Brigadier. Although not confirmed, it can be assumed he was going to ask about the UNIT dating controversy which resulted from that episode.
- Posters and memorabilia from other science fiction franchises can also be seen, including Star Trek, Star Wars, Red Dwarf, Men In Black, Toy Story, and Robocop.
- David lists Peter Davison's credits as Love for Lydia, A Very Peculiar Practice, All Creatures Great and Small, as well as Doctor Who, and writing the theme tune for Button Moon.
Story Notes Edit
- This was the third of three sketches produced for BBC Two's Doctor Who Night, alongside The Pitch of Fear and The Web of Caves.
- Although David Walliams and Mark Gatiss are both fans of Doctor Who, and use their own names for the characters they play, it is presumed that they are not portraying themselves.
- Peter Davison does not have any lines in this sketch, reacting only to David and Mark's discussion about him.