|The Web of Caves|
|Main enemy:||Humanoid 1, Humanoid 2|
|Main setting:||Unnamed planet|
|Writer:||Mark Gatiss, David Walliams|
|Premiere broadcast:||13 November 1999|
|Format:||1x4 minute comedy sketch|
|Doctor Who Night|
|The Pitch of Fear||The Kidnappers|
A future incarnation of the Doctor has materialised on an alien planet. He eventually finds himself into unneeded trouble from annoying humanoids.
An enigmatic humanoid discovers The TARDIS situated on an unknown landscape and knocks on the door, identifying himself to the Doctor only as "I'm bad". The Doctor is uninterested however, until the alien speaks to him with a deep voice, and pronouncing his name as "Doc-tor". Wishing for the Doctor to stop him but lacking an actual plan, only an idea to " hollow out the Earth's core, and replace it with a giant motor, so I can pilot the planet anywhere in the universe", the Doctor replies that it "has been done", and so he agrees to come back tomorrow.
This time holding hands with another humanoid, he returns and knocks on the TARDIS door again, the Doctor again answers, telling someone inside the TARDIS that "it's for me." The humanoid's new plan is to "drain the world's oceans into the earth's white hot molten core, and boil them away". The Doctor says that this has also been attempted, but reluctantly agrees to stop them, much to their excitement. They then arrange to do this on "Wednesday, all day".
The two walk off as the TARDIS dematerialises, only to return mere seconds later. The Doctor unknowingly asks "where have you brought me to this time old girl", before spotting the two aliens attracting his attention. They both agree that "he's nice, isn't he", before walking off again.
- Mark Gatiss - The Doctor (DWM 285)
- David Walliams - Humanoid 1 (DWM 285)
- Paul Putner - Humanoid 2 (DWM 285)
Food and beverages Edit
- The second time the Doctor answers the door, he is holding a cup of tea.
Story notes Edit
- This was the second of three sketches produced for BBC Two's Doctor Who Night, alongside The Pitch of Fear and The Kidnappers.
- The sketch makes both specific references to, and parodies several cliches of, the Classic series of Doctor Who.
- The two characters played by David Walliams and Paul Putner are never identified, and so are credited here as "Humanoid 1" and "Humanoid 2" purely on a descriptive basis.
- In the later story The Runaway Bride, the Tenth Doctor uses a variation of the humanoids' plan, to divert water from the river Thames into the Earth's core.