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TARDIS Index File

Xlanthi

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Xlanthi
Biological type: Humanoid-lizard
Affiliated with: Earth Senate, Pakhar
Place of origin: Xlanthius
Appearance: Beige Planet Mars

The Xlanthi were humanoid lizards from Xlanthius.

Xlanthi were humanoid lizards with crests. They had large claws on their hands and feet. They were superhumanly strong and had armoured hide. Infant Xlanthi were trained from birth in unarmed combat techniques.

Xlanthi were master weaponsmiths, and they traded their armaments for one-man warships. Xlanthi could hunt fugitives within Earthspace without recrimination. The Pakhar court also worked with the Xlanthi in return for contract hits. (PROSE: Beige Planet Mars)

Sociology Edit

Xlanthi considered the following to be a violation of law and punishable by a brutal death:

  • Looking at them funny
  • Knowing French
  • Wearing shoes
  • Flattery
  • Making jokes about the Irish
  • Showing respect
  • Talking shop
  • Liking tennis
  • Gratuitous nudity
  • Feeling uneasy around a Xlanthi
  • Discussing things
  • Smoking (active or passive)
  • Having facial hair
  • Spilling a pint
  • Mispronouncing or misspelling the word 'Xlanthi'
  • Denying having spilt a pint
  • Fancying Scully out of The X-Files
  • Splitting infinitives
  • Showing an interest
  • Having eaten fruit
  • Irony
  • Sarcasm or litotes
  • Running away from a Xlanthi
  • Begging for one's life
  • Apologising

The correct response under law if someone offended a Xlanthi (if he had the time) was to strip down to his underwear and then demand in Old High Xlanthi to exercise his right to an honour duel, unarmed and to the death, with as many Xlanthi as they thought were hard enough. This course of action was generally not recommended. (PROSE: Beige Planet Mars)

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